She Couldn't Help But Wonder
One day by the ocean
A girl met a boy
She couldn't help but notice
He looked to her as a toy
He stared into her eyes
And saw a girl so strong
The girl couldn't help but wonder
Maybe she was wrong
He tortured her with compliments
And showered her with adoration
She only thought of him
As looking for a girl on vacation
Her eyes seemed to sparkle
Reflecting glitter off the sand
She couldn't help but wonder
Could this be her man
As they had to leave the island
She couldn't help but tell
He couldn't stand to watch her go
He thought of her so well
He followed her to the castle
And he became her prince
He knew he must propose to her
The ring of crystal filled the tin
She stared at him and smiles
Looked him in the eyes
Answered yes to the question
Magic flew throughout the sky
She wore her royal crown
And he stood by her side
They ruled the town together
All the land, no tide
~ NN
Ongoingly Unstable
As she felt so down
She started craving Xanax
All she ever needed
Was to have her man back
She's going through withdrawal
Oh what a long process
Always her motivation
To escape all their nonsense
In her tempting moments
She tapped hard on the table
Tending to distract herself
She realized she was able
The drugs tried to corrupt her
Everybody can see
All she ever wanted
Was to be who she pretends to be
She learned to love them so
As she grew to be so dependent
The more she craved to take
The more taken than intendant
Family and friends
Helped to take to her defense
Already she had been blinded
By their side effects
Keep attending therapy
It will help in the long run they said
She needs to tell the short term
Soon enough, put the bottle down they plead
The words left unsaid are spoken
Experiences written down
The smiles always awoken
Spiraled away to frowns
The haunting memories of over
dosage
All keep coming back
They lead her towards the wrong
direction
The world of anxiety attacks
Depression takes her over
Anxiety can always tell
They form together as unwanted
misfits and prescriptions
Breaking the walls, re opening these gates to hell
The more time given to think
The more ideas pop into her head
As she lies at night in misery
Tears filling her bed
No one seems to believe
What happens when the lights off
At 3 am whose sleeping
When you can pop the top off
Mentally destroyed
The empty bottle is a bandaid
All the physical feelings
Start out as misbehaving
A battle never ending
Where is my fairy tale
The drugs feel the emotions
Of a deep fantasy coming to an
unveil
Decisions fill her mind
Uptake them as they come
Never knowing what is next
Medication becomes your home
They are not needed anymore
You realize when you are alone
They are locked up feeling oh so
empty
Keep the bottle down
~ NN
I Wish I Could Tell Him What I Feel Inside
I have feelings of love for the guy I
see.
Does he love me too, what does he
think of me?
I wish I could tell him he makes me
whole,
but I'm afraid to say what's deep in
my soul.
I don't want to lose him, for I would be
alone,
and some days I just can't wait to
hear his voice on the phone.
He does certain things to make me
feel loved,
some days he wants to be alone and
my heart if shoved.
I want to feel as though I am his
safeguard,
the one he can come to when things
get hard.
I will always be there to help him
along,
and before we met I wasn't as
strong.
I wish I could tell him what I feel
inside,
but I'm afraid of what he'll say, how
he'll act on the outside.
~ NN
The Random Urge to Worry
The random urge to worry
My body never stops
My mind is always racing
Zoloft's easier to pop
Kept up all night
Emotions running wild
Mind full of fright
If I can be a child
Never feeling safe
Only do with you
Escaping from that cave
No longer stuck like glue
Don't want to go back
The feeling of relapse
Body's being attacked
Arising or collapse
Tensions rise so high
I run away those times
Avoiding situations
Worse are all the tides
Left with no more worries
Oh that dream might come true
Mary Jane my friend
Staying with a bad crew
Decisions come so often
Burning out my mind
Energy gets lower
Into the world of crime
Moving forward in the heat
Thinking needs to rest
I'm already beat
This will be the test
~ NN
My thoughts consumed of you
you tried to take me over
Dropped me like a gun
define the new word "sober"
I think I learned a lesson
being fired from your heart
Lessons after lessons
when we spent time apart
Another chapter in your book
eventually they'll stop
No one can tell the time unless it's
when you're done playing secret cop
Anxieties are rising
Im no longer your addiction
Destroyed my escapes of reality
but no they are not fiction
Meds can't help me stop
Pills force me in a pit
Up now down, falling from the top
Lemon water are the drugs' replacements
Fearless full of confidence
all some petty bullshit
Overwhelmed by any silence
Over- thinking can not help
Encouragement grows slighter
Sending myself distant becomes farther
Missing more and more each day
My feelings no longer stronger
The man I fell in love with
Who knows me like you do
I know he will never leave
Who knows you like I do
Does he know the scars found
down my jacket sleeve
Both of us pained by my tears
Sadness feeling safe to me
He is still inside
Sharing our first time
Forgotten all our jokes
but kissed me by the tide
Emptiness is filled
Permanently numb
You are the reason
for any future displacements
If time heals all wounds
why have I gotten used to them
Scared lonely fearful
from self- harm I depend
Adapted to my style of chunky
bracelets and long sweatshirts
Cutting leaves scars covering
No one sees the pain
cause friends and family are no longer suffering
Transitions seem impossible
Why is school such a challenge
No self esteem since the cold weather
Hectic schedule I can not balance
Exhausted but don't sleep
Too much on my mind
Tears come less often
but stay heavily burned in my eyes
You're misunderstood
but just get an education
That's all you need to be
Written in the words of our societies wise declaration
~ NN
Broken, shattered, hopeless,
haven't felt this way for awhile.
I actually knew the feeling,
of what it was like to smile.
"It will get better",
the phrase everyone had said.
No one is there to save me,
from the returning voices in my head.
Shameful, scarred, stressed,
which drug has fucked me up most?
Let's try to take some again,
now that you're no longer as depressed.
Depression always changes,
comes and disappears.
Different forms don't change it,
reasons aren't usually clear.
~ NN
Can't get you off my mind
your heart, depth and soul.
You're all I ever think about,
your smile, it is whole.
Turquoise is our color,
of all the blues out there.
With lonely stories so similar,
our wrists, they must remain bare.
Mutual pain we share,
can't eat anything.
Loosing weight it happens,
to those whom may have a broken wing.
Depression, anxiety, self- harm,
we shall over come together.
All our time in group, art and with pets,
these storms we shall weather.
~ NN
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